To my firstborn — I miss you even you’re here with me.

Dear Ate Reilly,

I was staring at you as you sleep while I was feeding your baby sister. I remember not so long ago, we had quiet mornings of just you and me after Papa left for work. You hug me tight and kiss me good morning as soon as you wake up before asking if you have to go to school today. You fall asleep in my arms at night after whispering goodnight mom, i love you. I drive and fetch you to/from school. We had time to play during bath time. We have unplanned trips to the mall or to the nearby coffee shop to just eat, chat and bond.

It was a different story now.

When Eliana was born, I had fear that the love in my heart will not be enough for the both of you. But I was wrong. I love you as much as I love Ellie but it was my time and my body that I cannot split. Nowadays, you do things on your own. You wake up, wash your face, eat breakfast, take a bath alone with minimal supervision. We cannot take the bus and commute to the mall if we please, oftentimes it is Papa who goes with you and takes care of your needs.

I miss you. I miss our time together in the world of our own. I believe that we will jusy wait a little more time my Ate Reilly, and everything will go back as it was before. I am proud because we were able to train you before you became a big sister. But for now, let Papa hug you as you sleep.

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